And the winner is.....

Well this is it, kids!!! The season finale of Bachelor Pad!

As it turns out, the contestants’ fates were in the hands of their ballroom dancing capabilities. This was good news for Miss Ballerina Tenley – I’m sure you ALL remember her little dance number dedicated to Jake. If that was any indication, Tenley was about to kick some serious ass on the ballroom dance floor.

In an obvious move to bait the crazed Elizabeth, the producers assigned the Super Hot-Blonde-Foreign dance instructor to Elizabeth and Kovacs. Considering this dancing dynamo was ALL over Kovacs, Elizabeth actually surprised me by keeping her cool.

How priceless was it when Jake walked out as one of the dancing judges and Tenley muttered, “Crap!” to Kiptyn. I have a feeling Vienna muttered the same thing to herself every time Jake entered a room before they broke up. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard Tenley say anything remotely close to a curse word before! Jake just has that affect on women.

Tenley and Kiptyn danced first, and true to form, they were 100% adorable. Next up were Elizabeth and Kovacs… who were slightly less adorable. Although the judges didn’t have the balls to tell them they sucked, Natalie certainly told it like it was when she said, “It was awful! It was so uncomfortable and so distracting. It was kind of like a bad wreck – you don’t really want to watch but you kind of want to see because it’s kind of entertaining.” Luckily, Natalie was able to back up that smack talk, because she and David danced really well (or as well as any non-dancer with one day of rehearsal can be expected to dance).

SIDEBAR: Did this competition remind anyone else of the Saved by the Bell episode where Zack and Jessie battle it out with Kelly and Slater (who was wearing a red spandex unitard if my memory seves me correctly) at the Max? But in an unforeseen turn of events, Screech and an injured Lisa won the whole competition with their new dance move called “The Sprain”. WHAT a show.

But I digress.

When it came down to it, Tenley and Kiptyn won the dance-off which allowed them to sail right into the finals AND to pick the couple going home, which turned out to be Elizabeth and Kovacs. Elizabeth seemed eerily grounded as she drove away saying, “I hope that this experience has genuinely changed Kovacs. I’d love for that day to come that he knows me and knows that he loves me and can say that he loves me.” Unfortunately for Elizabeth, Kovacs decided that not only did he NOT love her, but he broke up with her three days after the show was over....

… which brings us to the Reunion.

OKAY. This is what the boring ballroom hour needed to kick things into high gear – a nice, confrontational reunion of the past players. We found out a few interesting tidbits:

• Elizabeth is back to being a brunette. Alright girl, if you’re going to rejoin the ranks of us brunettes, you’ve GOT to step up your game.

• Wes and Gia… are together?! The Modern Day Shakespeare and his Swimsuit Model Muse really attention-whored it up by kissing for the audience. But. I did kind of like it. Don’t tell anyone. And man-oh-man, Gia is still like putty in Wes’s hands when he sings.

• I liked that Gwen finally stood up for her old ass when she called out David for making fun of people over 30 wanting to be on the show. And we can finally breathe a sigh of relief, because we found out the ambiguously aged Gwen is 39.

• Did anyone else notice that the Weatherman and Craig were seated next to each other? Are these old enemies becoming friends?! These two were just full of surprises when neither one said a word during the entire show… which is very uncharacteristic of them, especially the Weatherman.

Surprise of the Week: Waaaaaaaait. Natalie and David won?!?! I honestly didn’t see that one coming. I figured the nice guys would win out, but apparently a little lying, selfishness, and toplessness is all it takes to win Bachelor Pad. Figures.

Slap of the Week: I’d hate to finish this blog with such a mean award – because clearly based on my comments thus far, I’m a shining beacon of positivity. I’d kind of like to give the Slap of the Week it to Elizabeth just based on her past behavior and overall annoyingness, but considering Kovacs dumped her as soon as the show was over… she probably just needs a hug.

Superior Moment of the Week:

After making us think she was going to keep the money all for herself, it was pretty shocking when Natalie revealed she was going to share the $250,000 with David. Who knew this seemingly selfish party girl has a heart? You can’t deny they both played the game well, and I think they deserved to win.

Well, that concludes the fabulous trashiness that was Bachlor Pad. I think it was a new low for ABC, and I have to say I loved every second of it!