DVR Meltdown

Sooooooo, after a long day of working and errands, I get home at 8:00... and I'm totally excited to start watching Bachelor Pad. I turn on my TV expecting the first hour to already be taped... and I find out my DVR didn't tape anything.

Tragedy!!!

Luckily for me, Bachelor Pad is available online. But unluckily, this means my blog will be a bit late.

Blame the DVR.

Kissing Contests and Topless Dates: All in a Day’s Work at the Bachelor Pad

Welcome to For The Love Of Hot Tubs – my reflection and rumination of the awesomeness that is Bachelor Pad. As a creatively stifled accountant and long-time reality TV lover, it was only a matter of time before I started blogging about them. This isn’t a recap of each show so much as my thoughts on each contestant (is it fair to call them contestants when all they’ve done thus far is eat pie, make-out, and do half-naked conspiring?) and my reaction to the twists and turns that ensue when searching for love… and $250,000.

The Cool Kids: 

Elizabeth: 

This girl is a mystery to me.  Maybe I was in the minority, but I thought she was a complete whack job during Jake’s season.  But somehow, she’s hoodwinked this entire cast into thinking she’s a “cool” kid.  Does the peroxide in her newly bleached hair have magical powers?!

Tenley:

 

In a completely shocking turn of events, Tenly did NOT cry this week… and she had very little screen time.  Step it up, Tenley, it’s time to pull an Elizabeth and do something crazy!

Natalie:

 

“I would make out with everyone in the house for – like – 20 bucks.”  Come on girl, don’t sell yourself short.  I can’t hardly order dinner for $20.  Wait… wait… let me get this straight.  You took your top off on a date?  Well, sure, that happens sometimes.  Wait, there were 2 other girls on the date?  I take it back, $20 is about right.

 

Ashley: In response to being a part of the kissing contest, she backed out and said she didn’t want to lose the respect of her students.  This is a little rich coming from a girl who willingly went on reality TV to find a husband… and when that didn’t work out, she agreed to be a part of a show called Bachelor Pad.

 

Kiptyn: I’m starting to wonder if Kiptyn’s gay.  The name aside, when he woke up to find Tenley in his bed, he asked her to leave because he wanted to “sleep”.  Um, this is Bachelor Pad, buddy.  Sleep is for wimps, and not making out with Tenley is for homosexuals.

 

David:

 

As the kissing champion, David was able to take three ladies on a classy date to a topless pool.  After the pool, ol’ Dave was able to select one girl to continue on the date alone… and surprisingly, he picked Natalie the Topless Wonder rather than Krisily the Angry Shrew.  Shocking.  “Natalie’s a free spirit,” he said, “and I love that about her.”  I’m sure you do, David.

 

Kovacs: “Elizabeth has ruined everything for me.”  Oh SNAP!  Wait until she sees the show… that bitch is crazy.  You better lock your door, Kovacs, because she’s coming to get you.

 

The-Slightly-Less -Cool-But-Still-Really-Attractive Kids:

The Weatherman: This guy is SO much funnier than I remember him being from Ali’s season!  He was priceless at the kissing contest.  And after getting kicked off, he astutely commented, “This game is like love and life amplified and compacted in the Bachelor Pad.  I came here looking for money and maybe some love, and I went home with neither one.”  Let’s all say it together…. Awwwwww.  Poor guy.

 

Gwen: I felt really bad for Gwen when one of the boys said there were certain girls he wasn’t excited to kiss, and the camera panned straight over to Gwen.  She can’t help being old -  cut her a break!

 

Jesse:

  

Did Jesse get cut at the beginning of Ali’s season, or is he really that unmemorable? …because I have no idea who this guy is.  But no matter, he’s certainly made his mark on Bachelor Pad.  We now know two things about Jesse:

#1 He has a LOT of tattoos. 

#2: He hooked up with a cool kid and without warning decided to break it off.  Who’s cool now, Natalie?!

I can’t wait to find out more….

 

Gia: It seemed a little extreme to cry and carry on the way she did after the kissing contest, especially when I’ve read what a whore she is in real life (yes, I sometimes read about the Bachelor on the internet). It seems the kissing contest is the least of her worries when she’s crying over Wes’s guitar playing and sleeping in his bed. I really thought Gia had this game figured out last week, but clearly that’s not the case.  See ya, Gia, and I hope the boyfriend never watches this show!

Wes: Wes was all over Gia like white on rice, and I can’t decide if he was sincere or if it was all an evil master plan of manipulation….. I actually think they make a cute couple, but I guess we’ll never get to see how it would have played out. 

 

Krisily: Poor, poor Krisily.  Not only did no one watch her season of the Bachelor, but all the boys in the house think she’s a loudmouth.  She’s safe this week, but I’m not sure how much longer she’ll be around…

 

Nikki: This girl should have never crossed Gia by switching her vote last minute.  Has she HEARD that accent of Gia’s?!  I would never cross an East Coast girl.  I can’t quite figure her out, but she gained a bit of my respect when she chose to keep her top on in Vegas.  You stay strong, sister.

 

Peyton:

 

Who knew this quiet outsider would win the kissing contest?  Because she’s a nice girl, Peyton hasn’t gotten a lot of screen time.  But the kissing contest completely catapulted her from obscurity to a blonde powerhouse.  Peyton really got Tenley’s bikini bottoms in a twist when she invited Kiptyn on her date… but no worries, Tenley, because it was Jesse B who stole her heart and got the rose.

Musings and Meditations:

• I love how everyone seems to roll out of bed and immediately put on a swimsuit. In fact, I love it so much that I’m sitting here writing this in a bikini just so I can feel more connected to the spirit of the show. I’d like to see these girls’ suitcases – I bet they consist of nothing but swimsuits, cocktail dresses, and hair products. And clearly, no one packed their dignity.
• A kissing contest was pure genius.  I’m surprised I didn’t see that challenge coming.  And how funny was it when Elizabeth spit in the pool after kissing the Weatherman?  Poor little guy.

 

Surprise of the Week: After last week’s serious strategy, there was VERY little talk about voting and alliances this week.  I’m not sure what happened to Gia and the Weatherman’s master plan, but it completely fell apart!  I’ll just blame it on the kissing contest.  And Elizabeth’s hair.

 

Slap of the Week: Although she didn’t do anything specifically to piss me off this week… I’m giving it to Elizabeth just because I don’t like her attitude OR her hair.

 

Superior Moment of the Week: The best moment of the week HAD to be the Weatherman’s reaction to the kissing contest.  He really thought he had that thing wrapped up… he cracks me up!  Farewell, Mr. Weatherman.  You’ll be missed.